Let’s say you’ve inherited your grandma’s legendary cookie recipe. The kind of cookie that stops time. Crispy edges, chewy center, a whiff of vanilla that could solve world peace. You bite into one and instantly remember how it felt to be five, sticky-fingered and loved.
Now… imagine Grandma had Wi-Fi.
Better yet, imagine she’s on Instagram.
Welcome to our completely hypothetical but weirdly realistic thought experiment:
What if you launched a cookie startup today… using nothing but that recipe and digital marketing?
Let’s bake this idea.
🍪 Step 1: Branding – Because “Cookies by That One Aunt” Doesn’t Convert
First, we need a name. Something catchy, nostalgic, and slightly unhinged to appeal to the algorithm.
How about:
- Dough Re Mi
- Chew & Tell
- Thicc Chips
- The Crumb Code
Logo? A smug cookie with sunglasses. Color palette? Warm browns, soft pinks, and one chaotic neon to show you’re fun but unpredictable. Just like your cookies.
📱 Step 2: Social Media – Your Cookie Needs a Personality
Forget posting just product photos. This isn’t 2012. Your cookie needs vibes. Your cookie needs a relatable backstory.
- Instagram Reels: Dramatic slow-mo of the chocolate chip melt. Add sultry jazz. Caption: “When he finally texts back.”
- TikTok: Grandma reacting to Gen Z slang while rolling dough. Bonus points if she says “slay.”
- X (Twitter, formerly known as sanity): “Our cookies are so soft, your ex just DMed them ‘u up?’”
Also, never underestimate the power of a cookie drop countdown with an airhorn sound effect.
📦 Step 3: Website & Funnel – From Crumbs to Conversions
Your cookie needs a digital home. Your Shopify site should do 3 things:
- Load faster than someone biting into a fresh batch.
- Tell a story: “We don’t just bake cookies. We bake emotional recovery.”
- Have a clean “Add to Cart” button big enough for someone mid-sugar-crash to find.
Bonus: Add a quiz.
“What Cookie Are You?”
Are you a Classic Choco Chip or a Chaotic Evil Matcha Macadamia?
✉️ Step 4: Email Marketing – Slide Into Inboxes Like Melted Butter
The first email should hit like a warm hug. Subject line:
“We baked these for you. Literally.”
Build a welcome sequence:
- Email 1: “The dough has risen – and so has our startup.”
- Email 2: Behind-the-scenes drama: “We accidentally invented a cookie with 2,000 calories. Here’s why we love her.”
- Email 3: Discount code, but make it flirty. “We’re not saying you need cookies, but your cart looks lonely.”
🤳 Step 5: Influencers – Grandma Goes Viral (Without Sneezing)
You don’t need MrBeast. Just find 5 micro-influencers who:
- Post aesthetic snack content
- Have an obsession with nostalgia
- Would 100% cry over a molten cookie on camera
Send them a box. Include a handwritten note from “Grandma Wi-Fi” herself.
📊 Step 6: Analytics – The Crumb Trail of Truth
Set up your analytics. Don’t skip this part.
Because how else will you know that 87% of your traffic comes from a TikTok about someone throwing your cookie at their cheating ex (and it still staying intact)?
Resilient, like your love life.
🧁 Final Thoughts: Grandma Would Be Proud (and Probably Viral)
Launching a cookie brand in the digital age isn’t just about taste — it’s about story, vibes, and a sprinkle of unhinged creativity.
So the next time you post that gooey cookie close-up with a moody filter and the caption “bite me.”, know this: You’re not just baking. You’re building a brand.
And somewhere out there, Grandma’s watching… probably on TikTok… yelling,
“Use hashtag #SoftOnTheInside!”